© 2017 by Cherishing the Journey, Inc.

Jenna Grace

Premature

My story begins on Good Friday 2011, when our third child was conceived. The pregnancy started out perfect, no complications, and we found out that we were having another girl, who we named Jenna Grace. I have two daughters, age one and four. At 18 weeks into the pregnancy, I lost my mucous plug and everything went downhill from there. I had several trips to the emergency room for contractions and bleeding. The last week of the pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster. On Monday, August 22, 2011, I had yet another trip to the ER at 21 weeks into the pregnancy. This time I was sure I had lost the baby because I had never seen that much blood before. I was so relieved when I got there to hear Jenna's heartbeat. My doctor assured me that everything looked OK, besides the fact that I was 2cm dilated at the time. She expressed her concern to me about the possibility of getting an infection since I no longer had my plug and I was dilated and opened up. She told me that if I got an infection in my uterus, the baby would have to be delivered immediately. She put me on complete bed rest and scheduled an appointment for me to go the maternal fetal specialist. So, two days later on Wednesday, August 24th, I went to Winnie Palmer for my high risk ultrasound appointment. This doctor measured my cervix length and did a very in depth ultrasound. He decided to put me on progesterone injections for the remainder of my pregnancy to ward off any more contractions and changes to my cervix. He was very optimistic and said that with close monitoring I would be fine, which I would soon learn that this was false hope. He even took me off of bed rest. I left the hospital with such relief. I was on cloud nine, thinking everything was going to be just fine. On Friday, August 26th, my reassurance that everything was OK quickly turned into fear for the worst. I took a nap late that afternoon and when I woke up, I knew something was wrong. I had a fever with chills, vomiting, and my belly hurt so bad, I could barely walk. I decided to wait it out and try to get a good night sleep to hopefully feel better. After tossing and turning all night, I finally got up the next day in worse shape than the night before. I was in so much pain. I could not sit, stand, walk, or even lay down. I called my mom and she came right over to take me to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, they checked my vitals and my heart rate was so high that they rushed me back right away. They ran several tests and my worst fear came to life. The doctor said Im sorry but your uterus is very infected and we need to get the baby out right away or your life will be in danger. Those were the hardest words to hear. I immediately broke down. At that very moment, my daughter was still kicking and flipping around inside of me. The thought of her life being cut short to save my life was devastating. I was taken upstairs and given medicine to induce my labor. The hardest part was feeling her move inside me.knowing that she was going to be born soon and not survive. Those were the worst moments of my life. On Sunday, August 28, 2011, Jenna Grace was born sleeping at 6:11 a.m. She was 11.6 ounces and 10 inches long. She was absolutely beautiful and so perfect.  I spent several hours with her.holding her and kissing her. Those were such bittersweet moments. I miss her so much and the guilt still consumes me that she had to go so I could stay. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I have to stay strong for my other daughters and I have to remember that she is in a better place now and that she will never get sick or feel pain or sadness.

 

Some only dream of angels....

I held one in my arms